So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
