Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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