Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
