She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
