Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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