I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
