She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
