I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
