Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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