All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
