I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need moral support for this bender
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
