OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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