You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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