Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
