i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
