Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
