Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
