You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
