based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
