Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
