I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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