I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
