Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
