Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she looked like the before picture.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
