would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
