I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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