Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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