Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
