my phone needs a breathalizer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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