Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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