Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
