haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
