Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
