you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
