Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
