Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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