i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
this is an emotional support booty call
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
