just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
