When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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