just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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