a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
