So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
