you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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