I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
