Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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