Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
