Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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