I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
