The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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