Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
