he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
