I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
