i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
